


为什么 (why.)

by cityscaped (touchofgold)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: I haven't written a fic in a year pls pray, I hurted thinking of this prompt, I just finished pacific rim, M/M, Sad, Why do I do this to myself, it be like this, my heart hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 02:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16631162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/touchofgold/pseuds/cityscaped
Summary: Kim Mingyu and Xu Minghao, voted the Most Dynamic Duo and Most Drift Compatible for the class of 2017 at the Ranger Academy but failed to control the Jaeger simulation when Minghao chases the rabbit, to a memory that he tried so hard to forget.





	为什么 (why.)

**Author's Note:**

> — dedicated to dean (@jeonbaragi) on twitter for introducing me to pacrim and listening to me yell

            “You ready pal?” Mingyu asks, bumping his partner’s shoulder. Kim Mingyu and Xu Minghao, both born in the same year but from different countries, yet they form a bond unlike any other duo that the academy has seen. From the first day that they met, they were already arguing like a married couple, challenging each other into a fist fight in which the latter won. After that fist fight (over something extremely trivial that none of them could remember), they became firm friends at the academy and was nominated Most Dynamic Duo and Most Drift Compatible for their class of 2017 at the Ranger Academy. It was clearly meant to be for the duo to be controlling a Jaeger, but in order for them to successfully control one (they both have their eyes on the Infinity Eight) they would have to pass the trial run.

 

            “I should be asking you that question.” Minghao responds, pointing at Mingyu’s shaky hands but places his fist out for Mingyu to bump back. It was like their lucky handshake before engaging into anything – from the exams to the simulations. They were about to trial run one of the old Mark-3 Jaegers that was no longer used in combat, to confirm the trainee’s abilities to work together as one and to ensure that none of them chased the rabbit.

 

            The duo began to suit up and enter the old Mark-3, gawping and gasping at its interior. They were the first out of their class of 2017 to perform a trial run because of their Drift Compatibility and they hoped to not let their class down by failing the run. Mingyu, who had grown up watching the Jaegers fight the Kaijus on TV was bursting with excitement, his hands tingly despite being in metal suits and his heart was pounding like his first examination at the academy. Minghao on the other hand remained cool and collected, as he was a farm boy from the coastal lines of China, he was exposed to a few Kaiju attacks – more than anyone in his class. He knew exactly what they were and how they have evolved to attack.

 

            As they settled into the Mark-3, a crisp and familiar voice echoed over the speakers. “This is LOCCENT Officer Yoon do you copy?”

 

            The duo smiled and answered back quickly. Officer Yoon, or Yoon Jeonghan was the rangers favourite officer to have whilst they were training. He had an oddly calming voice that soothed any trainee’s nerves and his commands were always crisp and clear. Outside of the office, he was an extremely fun officer to be around and share homesick problems with.

 

            “Engaging Neural Handshake in fifteen seconds.” Officer Yoon’s voice echoed. A female AI voice began to count down the seconds as both Minghao and Mingyu settled into their positions, ready to enter each other’s minds. There was something oddly exciting yet nervewracking for Mingyu to enter Minghao’s mind. Despite knowing Minghao for many years and knowing his every move in combat, his habits and mannerisms, Mingyu had a sudden epiphany that he never knew about Minghao’s past. It was exciting, to delve into an extremely intimate part about Minghao yet nervewracking, for what would he find behind his mysterious mind?

 

            “Five, four, three, two, one. Neural Handshake engaged.” Officer Yoon’s voice was the last thing Mingyu heard before entering Minghao’s mind. It was sharp – something that they don’t tell you at the academy – a sharp jolting pain. It feels as if every muscle and fibre in your body was getting fired at the same time, electricity pulsating beneath your veins. The shock lasts a few seconds, until Mingyu realizes that his partner has gone awfully quiet next to him. It doesn’t last for a second longer when Mingyu is transported in Minghao’s memory and that’s when he knew Minghao was chasing the rabbit.

 

_Haicheng, 2007_

_“Da ge! Where are we going?” a small feminine voice asked. Mingyu finds himself in a small cottage, most probably in China. The house was quaint, decorated with traditional Chinese paintings, vases and artifacts. A small boy, whom he assumed was Minghao towered over a smaller girl who was tugging at his sleeves as she demanded something in Chinese._

_Minghao bends down to meet at her eye level and smiles endearingly. “We’re going to the sea! You’ve always wanted to go to the sea right?”_

_Her eyes lit up brightly as she squealed in excitement. The scene changes quickly, to Minghao watching the girl play in the sea. She wasn’t too far from where Minghao was and Mingyu could feel what Minghao felt when he saw his little sister play in the sea for the first time. It was a year since the last Kaiju attack, the next one was predicted to only arrive in the next year, there was plenty of time for China folks to enjoy their lives while they could. Mingyu felt warmth in his chest, something he had never experienced for he never had a sibling but watching Minghao stare fondly at his sister made him miss his dongsaengs back at the academy dearly._

_The sky begins to darken and young Minghao furrows his brows in worry. He calls out for his younger sister, “Mei! Come back to the shore, we have to-“_

_He barely finished his sentence when a Kaiju appeared from the sea. The beast was colossal and sprung up from the sea causing the ground beneath him to rumble and the sea to splash against Minghao. And for the first time since Minghao was eight, he was able to see a Kaiju up close. But this was not what he wanted._

_Mingyu felt it. The pain in his chest. The stabbing pain and growing worry as Minghao realizes that his sister was gone. “_ Wake up! Minghao, wake up! This is just a memory!” _But his words were futile as Minghao continued the memory. Mingyu felt a pang in his heart, it was him feeling the pain of Minghao losing his sister. As the Kaiju let out an animalistic cry, so did Minghao – for his sister. He screamed and screamed until his throat was raw, the Kaiju slowly advancing onto him. There was nothing he could do to save his sister, she was positively gone, he saw it with his own two eyes._

_The next few seconds were a blur. Minghao was running towards his home, carrying his sister’s shoes, tears streaking down his face as the Kaiju pursued him from behind. It was a Category two, smaller than the previous two attacks but dangerous at the same time. It couldn’t be. They predicted the next attack to only happen next year. Why now? Thoughts as such ran through Minghao’s mind as he ran to his home only to see it reduced to flames and destroyed. It can’t be._

_Another Kaiju?_

_A shrill piercing scream woke Minghao out of his confused state for it was, yet, another Kaiju. There were two unpredicted Kaiju attacks in his home. Mingyu watched as Minghao ran through his home frantically to search for his parents, his father lying on the steps, losing blood rapidly. He spoke in soft Chinese to Minghao and with Mingyu’s basic knowledge of Chinese, he translated Minghao’s sentence with ease and he hated the fact that he understood it._

_“Take care of your sister.” were his father’s last words. His father mustered up a small cough, removing the thin dog tag chain from his neck and placing it around Minghao’s with his last few breaths before collapsing. His mother was nowhere to be seen in this home and Mingyu felt helpless yelling at ten-year-old Minghao to get out of his house before the Kaiju detected him._ “This is a memory! Get out Minghao, you’re stronger than this!”

 

_Minghao kissed his father’s hand one last time before bolting out of the house, his hands still clutching his sister’s shoes. Mingyu experienced agony, grief, guilt, anger and vengeance all at the same time as Minghao ran out yelling at the Kaiju. He unleashed a loud battle cry, charging at the Kaiju that was about to strike back at him when a giant machinery leg stopped him in his tracks._

_It was a Jaeger._

_Minghao was immediately thrown back by the impact of the Jaeger’s foot. He stumbled and crawled backwards , searching for a safe space to hide whilst the Jaeger fought the Kaiju. He shut his eyes, attempting to block out the sounds of machinery hitting against the Kaiju, the sounds of choppers, people calling out for him until darkness enveloped the both of them. Mingyu thought they had cancelled the simulation but the darkness revealed Minghao sitting against a crisp hospital bed with doctors and police questioning him at the same time._

_“Are you alone? Where is your family? How old are you?”_

_He was bombarded with questions that never seemed to stop until he opened his mouth. The questions immediately stopped, everyone holding their breath to hear what the boy had to say. Little did he know, he was the only survivor from his beach town, population of about 600. “Why?” was all he said._

_And as Mingyu was connected to him in the Drift, he knew what that why meant._

_Why was there a Kaiju attack?_

_Why was it me who survived?_

_Why was it her?_

_Why wasn’t it me._

_Mingyu slowly feels the memory disappearing, possibly because the simulation was about to be cancelled. He feels the sharp electricity coming back and within the next second,_

            He was back.

 

            The run was over.

 

            They were released from the Jaeger, with Minghao collapsing to the floor bursting into tears. This was the first time Mingyu had ever seen someone like Minghao, who had a cool façade and only cried once when he twisted his ankle during combat practice, cry. He heard the same few words in Chinese again, “ _Why wasn’t it me? Why did it have to be her?”_

 

            The doors to the Jaeger opened and it was Officer Yoon along with Marshall Choi. “Xu Minghao, I am sorry to say that you have failed the simulation. Please wait with Officer Yoon outside to be transferred to another department.” Marshall Choi announced crisply. Nobody had access to Minghao’s mind the way Mingyu had and nobody ever will. “Kim Mingyu, you have passed the simulation but we need to find another ranger for you to be Drift Compatible. Please proceed back to the training rooms.”

 

            As the duo walked out from the Jaeger, Minghao was sobbing into Officer Yoon’s arms, who stroked his back tenderly. “Sorry Officer Yoon but, I think I need to talk to Minghao alone.” Mingyu intercepted, pulling his best friend away from the Officer. Mingyu was unsure what had gotten into him to suddenly pull Minghao away from the officers but he was glad he did.

 

            “I failed someone again.” Minghao said quietly, choking in between sobs. “I failed to protect my sister, and now I failed the run. I can never be a ranger, you’ve heard what Marshall Choi said, I have to be _transferred._ I chased a rabbit too deep they have to transfer me. I have failed everyone, including myself and –“

 

            “Sh. It’s over.” Mingyu said quietly, cutting Minghao off by placing a finger against his lips. “What matters is that we’re both safe now. The run could’ve ended worse but we made it through.”

 

            Minghao kicked back his feet and leaned against the wall, drawing deep breaths. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I really should’ve warned you against what I would’ve possibly chased but, I guess it’s always the ones we never think about. They don’t tell you that at the academy.” Minghao laughs half-heartedly, forcing a smile.

 

            Mingyu shook his head, wrapping an arm around his best friend’s shoulder. “I don’t think anything can prepare us for our first time. But I’m glad it was with you.”

 

            Minghao smiled, knowing that his best friend understood him. “Me too.”

 

            “Well, I guess you have to go back and become a doctor!” Mingyu joked, punching Minghao’s shoulder lightly.

 

            “Since I can’t kill Kaijus anymore, I guess studying them helps,” Minghao shrugs. “Back to the books!”

 

            Before they part, Minghao turns quickly to his best friend. They won’t be training together anymore neither will they ever have the opportunity to work together again. If this was going to be their last, it’s got to be their best. “Oi Gyu! You forgot something.” Minghao called out, extending his fist.

 

            A small smile stretched across Mingyu’s face as he went back to his friend, bumping his fist against Minghao’s and commencing their intricate friendship handshake they created when they first entered the academy in 2012. “Thanks, bro.”

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell I just finished watching pacific rim? phenomenal movie, loved it. had to write an au after yelling about it on twt. it's rusty writing, please bear with me.


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